I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
