Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
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