I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
