Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You made out with two different species that night
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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