2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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