We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize