Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
