She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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