this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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