i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize