i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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