I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
