I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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