Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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