i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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