so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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