so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
