butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
