Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
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the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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