You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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