you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
