the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
