I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
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What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
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Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I want to fling myself into the sun
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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