fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
