After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Boobs speak an international language.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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