i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
