i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
