Don't you send me to vm
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
