??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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