Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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