What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Randomize
