I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
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Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
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yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap