so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.