I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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