MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.