Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible