Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
