I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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