Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
