If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
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Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
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I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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