I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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