Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
