i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
