Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
There's always time for handjobs
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
