I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
