we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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