Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
