You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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