What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
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i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
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Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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