he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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