My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
