It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
