I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
