Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
