Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
