he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
