I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
