He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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