Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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