Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘