New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
