I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
