Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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