Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
